By Adelide Omwaka
There comes a time in a man’s life, when he has to make a very serious decision of choosing a single woman among a million or so women he has ever met or had anything with. There comes such a crucial time when he has to make such an ultimate decision and do it extra-carefully to ensure he doesn’t end up with a “Delilah”.
It puzzles me how some take such an important matter so lightly. Choosing a wife, in the modern era becomes a very deliberate act, more often than never, no woman is imposed on a man. Well, courtesy of this freedom, I have heard rather humorous considerations among some men, in choosing a wife. There are some who decide to go for women with huge “chakula ya mtoto”(tits), some decide they need one with the biggest behind around, others decide to go for one who can cook ugali that “won’t stick on the wall”(well-cooked),my last example would be those who go for a beautiful face,(this fellows have turned our dear ladies into zombies with all sorts of colors on their faces in the name of make-up). My list is so long trust me, but essentially, one realizes that for sure there comes a time and this dear man has to make a choice.
Making this choice becomes just a single step in the long journey that lays ahead. A man then proceeds to the next level of knowing the woman of his choice deeper and moving even more into meeting all the necessary requirements like meeting the parents, doing the negotiations et cetera. This man therefore, crosses over from being just a man into a HUSBAND. It is so unfortunate that most of them never get to fully understand what the new title (husband) means. They fail to recognize the new responsibility that lays on their shoulders.
I have always said this, time without number, that; ‘ A real man is one who is able to stand by his word no matter what. ‘Marriage then becomes the best institution where this can be tested. As the husband, there are some tough decisions you’ve got to make. There are some friends like your previous fellow play boys you have to put some restrictions on, you remember those days you would hangout so late and even sleepover without caring to let anybody know? Those days when you would grab something at a fast-food restaurant and count it as supper? Now as a husband, things begin to take a U-turn, if you are going to come home late then let your “sweet pie” know as early as possible then follow it up with sufficient explanations, no more eating at the “vibandas”, come home your wife has cooked, and once in a while come over early and join her in the kitchen and to unveil even more romance, take her out for dinner some other times, I mean, you are now a husband aren’t you?
Things become even more serious when you become a father now. You realize it’s no longer about you. Wait, I think am rushing far much a head of myself, there is this time when you arrive home from work, your wife has a surprise dinner for you, in fact, a candle dinner and you are wondering, “Hun, what are we celebrating?” only for her to romantically hold your hands and sweetly tell you “Darling, you are going to be a father.” Of course it comes with mixed emotions but hey! What did you expect, if you sow, it grows and you’ve got harvest time coming, right? So again things have to change, even your sleeping style has to change dear brother, your wife is now two in one (more space needed),she also has mood swings, the morning sickness, one day she even wakes up and demands for ‘ a smoked rat ‘because the baby wants it. In short , a man has to readjust.
There also comes a time and your wife seems to be having troubles with her in laws. It could be the sisters in law, mother in law or any other and as a man, you need to stand by your wife now. Always remember you are the one who brought her into this family. Evidently, there is something peculiar about her that made you go for her but sometimes your family relations have not seen it. Maybe they have a wrong attitude towards your woman just for nothing and now as a man you’ve got to stand firm and ensure your woman doesn’t feel displaced. Don’t side with your people making your wife look like the only stranger in Jerusalem; she might be wrong but find a better way of correcting her. She is your wife for goodness sake and at that point, when nobody sees anything good in her, you should be able to stand out and let your support for her be known. Don’t let your finger be counted among those accusing fingers being pointed at your wife, believe you me, it will finish her if you do so. As a husband you are your wife’s biggest source of strength and motivation. You are her Daddy, her Darling, her Husband, and Father to her children and her security.
Indeed there comes a time and that time will always come but I need to tell you more about it, too bad my laptop is about to go off. So why don’t I SEE YOU AGAIN in the second part of this informative article.
The Writer, Adeline Omwaka , is a student opinion shaper at Moi University